saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
you didnt know i had herpes?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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