god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
