i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize