He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
