i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
