omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
