i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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