My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
