He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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