I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
