I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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