Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
