I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize