She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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