why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
