I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
