you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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