So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
