i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
why do cheetos always look like penises
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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