Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
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