Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
