She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
