All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
