i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
