Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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