What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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