I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
