...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
