I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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