I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
