Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize