my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
