There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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