dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
