What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
