Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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