Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
