This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
