he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
