when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
