and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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