he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
