I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize