I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
