haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
