Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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