i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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