once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
