"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
