i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
