he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
