The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
You smell like stripper and shame
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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