it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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