Dual....:-)
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
