If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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