My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I'm having to shit out rocks
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