talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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