you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
