I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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