I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
