I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
