DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He passed out mid-signature
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
i out mim tonsoeep
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