The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You are the jesus of drinking
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize