I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
