I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
