You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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