I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
