Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
my being single is dangerous.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
