is your mom at the bar?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
