Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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