I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
It's blow job season.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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