we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
