Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
