i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
