id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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