remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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