it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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