I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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