The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
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