I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
