i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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