why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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