no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
