That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
