I want to walk on stilts...naked
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
