I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
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