Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
