Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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