we have officially lost it.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
