escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
