I'm drive I can fine osifer
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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