Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
