But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
