My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
