I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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