Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
