I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
