She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
