But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm both gender and math confused
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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