if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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