Im at strip club and am horny
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
