Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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