I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize