there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
