good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
