I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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