im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
