you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
