Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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