Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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