The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
