just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I can text with my tongue
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
