just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
